Might be triggering...

Some months ago my nightmares changed from sexual assaults to just physical violence. I dreamed last night that I was trapped in a car under a man. We were both fully clothed and he was hurting me. He was also injecting something in my hip to knock me out I guess. Not sure where that came from since nothing like that happened that night. I felt I could barely breathe and wanted to cry out from the pain was dared not do so.

I really want to think that there is a progressive something to this. That the shift in nightmares means I am moving in some direction. It is what so many therapists wanted me to do - face the violence part of my kidnapping and not just the rapes. Just the rapes? That sounds down right stupid, eh?

Mya nger is very high right now but I am back in my excersise routine and it feels good. I am hitting the track after work for 45 minutes. That helps get a lot of the tension down some. I am also trying to read a book on male rape that I bought weeks ago. A very rare thing to find. I cannot seem to get very far without my mind going backwards to certain things.

Like I said as rough as this gets I still cling to the idea that this is progress.


Broad statements often miss their true mark.