Great stuff. Very helpful. When I realized that I was groomed by my perp it really helped to see how manipulative he was. First acting like a cool, nice older brother giving me his attention. I was 12 he was 16 or 17. Then he started saying I did things to my friends which was not true. Then asking me to do things for him which I didn't feel right about doing. Then trying to get me to blow his cousin and him which scared me. So I agreed to do him but not both of them. I still didn't do anything. Then he threatened me that if I didn't do him then he and his friends would carry me to a field and I would have to blow them all. The thought of being paraded around the town on their shoulders and then having to blow them all together was very scary. Again, trying to get me to choose the lesser evil, him instead of multiple guys. The he approached me and my friends and asked who wants to do him. My friend all backed away. I felt bad for him because nobody agreed to blow him. So I did right in the open field where others could see. I didn't comprehend what I was doing but I agreed to do this for him. I figured I should get it over with before I get carried away by his friends at some point and have to do 10 guys in a row while they laughed at me. So I agree so much with the author about the shame that is felt when there was some agreement to do something I should not have done. It was a bad decision but given the grooming and my age and lack of knowledge I made the best decision I could at the time. I didn't know what I was doing and his penis was large so he told me what to do. I can remember the instruction until this day. I thought he had taught me a valuable skill. At some point it tasted bad and I couldn't do it anymore. I told him I would finish the job later on at the field he had threatened to bring me with his friends. I was afraid I didn't do enough. So innocent. Of course te other kids in the neighborhood didn't feel the same way so I was labeled a fag and made fun of and felt the shame. Shame being that I thought I was bad, not just that I may have done something bad. Not like the other boys anymore. Nowhere to hide in a small town where everybody knew everything about everyone. Still feeling the shame as of today because of what I did. I ended up volunteering to do this act after all the grooming. He didn't force me physically. He never bothered me again. But my life was never the same. I thought my only value was to service another guy. I believed I was inferior and not as masculine as the other boys. Still feel that way today. Why didn't I refuse at that moment like my friends did? Why was I fooled? How could I be so stupid? Why was I so weak? Why did he target me? Did he know I was an easy target? What made me an easy target? Was I gay? So many questions. So lonely and afraid. Reputation ruined. Don't know who or what I was anymore. That is the real trauma. My whole life turned upside down. Self hatred and persecution entered into a world that seemed safe beforehand. So much loss. So much pain. But I am a survivor and will not quit because my pain is helping others and will continue to do so because I have been to hell and I am stronger because I survived it. God has saved me and evil did not win. Remember the golden rule to love others as thyself. Starts with loving myself and being kind and compassionate and forgiving to myself. Very hard sometimes but that little boy deserves better. He just didn't know any better. Thank you for reading this my brothers and sisters. God bless.