First on my list, how could I have let it happen?

A 20 year old guy is supposed to be able to defend himself correct? How could I have been so blind, so unaware, so weak in my mind, heart and spirit that I could simply give up and be shaken to my core just from a glance?

I had only stopped by the house for maybe 10 minutes, if that, just to pick up the rest of my things. It was the middle of the day, my father was at work and no one was at home. I never heard his car, I didn't hear the front door open, and I didn't hear him coming up the stairs.

Hours later when it was over and I was alone again I thought about his timing. I realized that my middle brother was the only person who knew I was going there that day. It all made sense that once again he set the stage for another one of my oldest brothers insane and complex acts of violence toward me.


I am in so much pain over that simple little three letter word. Why?

I crawled into the closet and remained there in the dark and kept asking myself over and over, why did I let this happen?