That is the part of the serenity statement that often eludes me in my recovery. Knowing what to accept and what to attempt to change has often been a struggle for me. A therapist once told me it was the ying and yang of both experiencing what I did as well as coming out alive at the end of it.
For a long time I never had the desire to join any kind of men's group. Then some years ago I decided not only did I need to but I also wanted it. I am a non-joiner by nature but see the possible benefits of it. Or at least I am willing to see if there are benefits. There is nothing as discouraging as finally dragging oneself to the point of accepting something and then to find that it is not available. Every year I make calls all around the area to see if there are any men's groups. I am given the same negative responses. But I try again the next year or so. That has gone on for many years now.
I wondered if I should just accept this or find a way to change it. I would go back and forth on that.
Last night I ended up at the Equality Center which is an hour from me. I had never been there before. A very nice guy gave me a tour of the place and explined some things about the place. He then introduced me to the executive director. We sat daown and talked and he went into further detail about what the center did for the community.
I was very impressed that not only do they offer things for the glbt community but extended it out for all folks. He told me of groups for coming out, transgendered preparation, domestic abuse and other issues. Therapists from the local community lead many of the groups. They also have fun stuff like dance classes as well as health presentations.
I asked him if they had any classes on sexual abuse. He said that they do not have any though he was sure it probably came up in other groups. I told him that I had been raped and that every year I make the rounds of phone calls looking for a men's group. And that every year I come up with the same results. He asked if I meant as a child and I said I was an adult. He told me that what they relied on was the people telling them what they needed. He looked me in the eye and told me that he would contact the lead therapist and talk to him about this. He assured me that it would happen. He said where there is the need for one there are many more who have not come forward for help. I am hesitantly hopeful but will wait to see how it goes. We exchanged business cards.
A bit later I found myself sitting with a man who shared how he had been raped in his early twenties. This was the first time I had ever met a man in person who had been assaulted as an adult. It is a bit hard to explain what that meant to me.
I am hesitantly hopeful about the group and will keep in touch with the ceter. This is something I need to work on - what is in the realm of possibility of changing and what there is to accept. I need more of the wisdom to know the difference. Otherwise I may be accepting what I do not have to. And that is worse than beating my head against the wall. At least in my opinion.
Broad statements often miss their true mark.