Hi guys,
I have a difficult time moving on from something that happened to me, 30 years ago, when I was 22 years old. I was just out of college and working , when my new female boss (and next door neighbor) befriended me and then seduced me while we were walking home and suggested that I ask her husband (both in their mid 30's)if he would like to to watch us have sex.

They made it seem like it was my idea as I asked him about the "idea". He quickly agreed (he did ask me what would my future wife think about it??)and later that night she took me up to the tub to get me warmed up before going downstairs where he was waiting naked on the bed. I was thus unknowingly thrust into a menage a trois situation that I had not signed up for. I was never sexual with him and after the encounter he made comments about what a nice body I had , and wasn't it great that friends could express their feelings sexually and would I want to spend the night. I said no and left but under pressure and attraction to the woman I returned the next night when he assaulted/grabbed my penis to reinsert me (I suppose and more on the way I think)after his wife was on top of me and I "slipped" out (or was it staged?) . I never saw what he was up to. I pushed his hand away.

He tried to introduce porno into the equation through the suggestion of his wife but I said no. There were two other encounters and I said no more. The woman said her husband was not happy about me ending things and then she started hitting on me to have sex with her alone in the house while he was at work. I said no to this.

That is my story basically and I feel shame about it all the time . In many ways I'm not sure what happened because she denied that he was bi/gay and he just blew it off like the touching of me was no big deal (he said "think of the physical proximity").

I feel like I was sexually assaulted and they made it seem like I had no right to my body. She would also "prohibit" me from asking out other girls at the retaurant and tried to control my life with other girls my age that I liked. I also needed a place to live and rented a room in their house for 2 months with my other two friends so we could work thru the fall. They just acted like nothing happened and told me not to tell anyone.I just hate the confusion! I do feel better when I can look at this as a setup where I was able to do a pretty good job of defending myself from a gay predator that lured me in thru the sexual "hook" of his wife.

I just want to move on and feel like this creep and this couple didn't damage me or may manhood/sexuality in any way.I did write him a letter saying to keep his hands off me and that God wouldn't forgive him.

This happened 30 years ago. I always focus on him touching me and not all the other sexual grooming/mind control that went on. I want to just move on with my sexuality and male pride intact.I'm trying to heal, brothers!