The battle begins each time the scepter of rejection dangles as a honed blade awaiting its destiny. My neck now stretched taught - knowing Ė not knowing what others know or donít. Iíve been inadvertently outed as a rape victim by the dearest of friends. No harm meant just a consequence of friendships, in the know, crossing over the borders of other friendships kept in the dark. As a result there is a blending of information creating a stew of which I no longer control all the added ingredients.

I can smell the aroma of this brew now coming to a simmer. At the moment it is faint barely noticeable to any except one other and myself. What concerns me is that I donít know who will sip from the pan. Iím no longer able to be a witness to their facial expressions as the spoon of my history passes their lips. Will a silence heard by me from a friend I had chosen to keep in the dark, be a loud rejection of me? Or simply, they are busy with their lives and havenít gotten back to me? It could be either and the sour taste for me - is Iíll not know which.

Iím not sorry that these friendships crossed each other for my friends are people I care about and in the end Iíll have to trust that they care about me. If my history carries a rank odor for some Iíll have to accept their abilities or lack of abilities to work through this putrid mix. The reason I took a moment to write and post is that we each, me included, need to be careful, for our comfort zones may not match the comfort of our brothers.

Edited by earlybird (11/30/10 03:45 PM)
Balanced (My goal)

There is symmetry
In self-reflection
Life exemplified
Grace personified