Yesterday Ė I screwed up! Itís not the first time and like many others, Iím likely to mess up again, real soon. What makes this blunder different than most is that I learned something valuable about myself. (Now, if I could just hang on to this new revelation)

I have a flower bed that sets in the corner of my yard protected on two sides by a fence. A small ornamental tree is the featured decoration with a number of other smaller plants and flowers as its backdrop. My lawn grows up and under the ground covering. The two make for a lovely combination. The problem is that the grass tends to work itself further into the flower bed than I want and then grows through and towers over the lower larger leafed ground cover. Nothing new about this issue I, along with many other idiot yard people, deal with managing encroaching plants every weekend.

For those smarter people who donít have flower beds, maintaining them this is different than pulling weeds. In plucking weeds there is no dividing line to maintain. There is no decision as to which to leave and which to pull. Unlike weeds in this particular situation Iíve been the planter of all these living growing things. I love the beauty they give me. I simply wish they Ďd be more cooperative and stay in their designated areas.

I started my usual pulling of the grass. The undergrowth that I want to keep is very delicate and dense so there are no tools or easy fix. Just hand pulling. I began the task by reaching between the plants I wanted and working my way down the stock of the grass so I could pull it out roots and all. This is a slow and tedious project one I normally donít mind. But yesterday I was in a different mood. I didnít want to be doing this and mentally was focused on issues pertaining to my abuse. Not a good combination. After about an hour I realized I may have gotten too aggressive and I was no longer taking concern for the ground cover. I was treating both the intruder and the resident as a big pain in the ass. Sure I got the grass out maybe even better than usual but the destruction to my flower bed was massive. Crushed leaves broken stems and gaping holes was the result. (But the grass was back in its rightful place)

Now, sitting on my lawn gasping at my workmanship I was thinking about how often Iíve done this when working at incorporating my rape. Iíll start out carefully reaching deep into my thoughts and like a surgeon try to extract some awful self belief I may be carrying. Sometimes I find that the roots are running deeper than I thought and turn to more drastic measures. In the process if (well more honestly said) when I become frustrated I end up being more like an elephant than a surgeon. It works, kinda, but the destruction of my innards is massive. Like the flowers and the grass they will grow back and fill in my mistakes I only hope Iíll learn more each time I fail like I did yesterday.

Edited by earlybird (09/07/10 11:36 AM)
Balanced (My goal)

There is symmetry
In self-reflection
Life exemplified
Grace personified