Thank You Guys: Lewis and Allen and Julian.
To Julian: yeah in some ways they are "battle scars," but not the type of battle that is honorable in the face of others, maybe they are though, I don't know, i unfortunately do not see them that way. Maybe, hopefully I can some day, I don't know.
To Allen: thank you for the shared hope. For some reason, I thought that things would be easier to deal with in the summer time, but thats does not seem to be the case. I used to think this way a lot, like " if i could just make it to... then it will be Ok." I can't turn back now even though I feel like I want to, so thank you for sharing you courage and hope with me, it means so much to me right now.
To Lewis: I think that you hit the nail on the head! It is almost as if I am fully exposed, like they will see this and know that that happened to me and they will think that I am a freak, but I don't want to lie, i have done that for too long and it feels fraudulent. I am having trouble discerning my feelings from what others may feel or think- it is hard to explain. I think that i lack a lot of self confidence.
Maybe it is because I myself am facing a truth I would rather not face right now and have never faced and therefore since I am not lying to myself, I am unable to tell if others can see that I am not being fully honest about the physical stuff. To be fully honest I really don't know if they can tell. You said it all with the "Mask" thing.
Thank you, all of you Brave Guys for helping me with this. Maybe someday soon I will see that I am worth it.
Your grateful friend,
Edited by Logan (06/17/10 11:53 PM)
"Terrible thing to live in Fear"-Shawshank Redemption
WOR Alumnus Hope Springs 2009
"Quite a thing to live in fear, this is what is means to be a slave"