Okay this seems to be a simple question but I have no answer to it and was wondering what you all might have to say about it. Here's my question:
Why does it matter SO much, that I was abused over 20 years ago? Why does it have such a powerful hold on me still today?

The whole thing happened so long ago, why can't I just let the past be the past and move on? Why does it come out in such crazy ways: nightmares, sleepless nights, panic attacks, hyper vigilance, FEAR?

Why does the fact that I had sex with an adult when I was 9 still rule my life 20+ years later?

I really don't understand why it has affected me to such a huge degree and would love to hear what you all have to say.

PS - I have my 3rd appointment with my therapist on Thursday and intend to ask him the same questions.