Dear JBK,

I am sorry that you are in such a terrible position. It is awful, and there is no quick and easy way out of this pain.
But there are some steps you can take.
First, I encourage you very strongly to seek out a local chapter of S-Anon. They may not be easy to find, but it's well worth the effort. The women I have met through this group have been very supportive, and I have benefited quite a bit from not feeling so painfully alone with this problem.
Second, I recommend a book that I found helpful: NOT "Just Friends," by Shirley Glass (yes, that's Ira's late mother). In it Glass discusses how marriages can survive severe betrayals--though she also acknowledges that some don't. The focus is not on people with CSA histories or sex addictions, but the special complications that these factors bring are also referenced. It's a start.
Third, I most deeply urge you to set limits on what you are encountering at any one time. My fiance has found a certain sense of liberation, ironically enough, in his whole process: he is beginning to free himself from years--decades--of subjugation to his addiction. But for me, this is all very new, and it is truly overwhelming (flooding) at times. So you need to make sure you take care of yourself.
It can get better. It is not an easy process. But it is not hopeless.


I'm just a poor wayfaring stranger, a million miles away from home.