Hi Paul.
For years I spent so much time trying to work out what I was to do when I was at the end of my rope.

Sometimes I tried hard to pull it so that I could try and put a not in both ends so that I didn't feel like I was being ripped apart.

Sometimes I felt like it was my job to try and tie a knot in one end and hang onto that.

Sometimes I felt like I was supposed to "let go and let God".

Yet most of the time I felt like I wanted to tie a noose in the end of the rope and go swinging off the end of it.

For the most part those long dark days told be Anonymous have all but disappeared but the journey still seems long and scary.

I, too, have felt a lot of help and support from the information contained on this website but I agree that it is no substitute for face too face contact with others. It took me a year or so of recovery counselling before I was even ready to talk with another guy about what happenend to me - mostly because I thought that no-one else could possibly know what I was going through.

How I thank God that He brought me to a place where I can meet up with other survivors face to face - almost as much as I want. You may not be able to see this happening for you at the moment. but please be assured that within you, you do have the strength to make it; to get to the stage where it feels ok about contemplating taking the next breath, the next step.

Please, brother, try and stay strong. That little boy inside of you has done such a good job at keeping you alive up to this point in time, he can manage for a few more weeks as you get ready to take over and take posession of your recovery process.

You can do it. You really can. There are so many of us out there that it won't be long before you sense of isolation starts to diminish.

Until then, keep coming back here to get little bits of help and advice so that you can start to make every day feel at the very least, tolerable.


I endured all my yesterdays. I prevail in all of my todays. I exercise my right to be able to enjoy my tomorrows. I choose not to do it alone.