I haven't seen much spoken about this topic but I feel that the issue of compulsive masturbation is very important. I recently read the book The Sexual Healing Journey by Wendy Maltz and I found that I most likely compulsively masturbate. This has always seemed normal to me but without fail I always masturbate in a semi-alert state as I'm waking up and then again as I'm going to bed. It's automatic. I also think about the same women day in and day out. They were females that I found sexually attractive but I was never able to establish an intimate relationship with them. For the most part I could easily substitute these women for my perp, which was my sister. I stopped thinking about her while I would masturbate years ago and years before I started to recover from my SA. I knew then that that behavior wasn't healthy. Though this type of destructive behavior hasn't really changed. I suppose what I'm trying to get at is whether this type of behavior is indeed compulsive masturbation? And furthermore how do I go about curtailing it?
A second part of this is pornography. Before I found MS I use to spend an hour before bed looking at porn. Now I spend more time here and much less time looking at it. I know that my friends who never were sexually abused look at porn all the time. But as a survivor should I not look at porn? Is all porn destructive for me? Between compulsively masturbating and looking at porn how do I allow myself to have a healthy sexual release that allows me to break this destructive cycle? Physically I feel that I need a sexual release even though I'm emotionally stunted and withdrawn.
These are just some thoughts that have been running through my head. I'm curious to see how others have dealt with this. Thanks and take care.
"It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end."
--Ursula K. Le Guin
"Mental health is a commitment to reality at all times."
--M. Scott Peck