you aren't alone out there surfing the porn sites, your posting and The D's reply hit a nerve here. I know how bad it makes me feel.
But it's getting easier for me, and the visists a lot further apart, and that's only with help from my wife and therapist.
And you're so right about kids ( and very big kids )only acting as if they've adapted, we deserve Oscars. It isn't adapting - it's surpressing, and every scrap shared and dealt with is a bit less shit to carry about.

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau