When I asked Jesus to come into my heart I gave Him my clean side of my heart divided by a wall of shame and pain.
I took down that wall
and behind it was utter darkness of my csa and its ugly effects
it was so dark and full of decay I couldn't see
well I discovered / saw the disgusting abuse I suffered at the age of 2 ! I went through my dark valley I acted out I ranted, I messed up my head and said and did things I regret
in my darkness my only hope was that God exists and that I want to be the man He made me to be. for a while I hated the thing I'd become. no, not hated - despaired, resigned myself whatever
some things feel good and was I ever giving consideration to them
I asked, pleaded with Jesus - come into my dark side
with a wave to cleanse and restore

I continued my journey
no idea where it would lead

in my darkest hour I had the chat I mentioned above

finally at church on Sunday night Jesus entered my whole heart and cleansed it
its beating again

Man - it hasn't happened to you - ask
just ask and ask - whatever it takes

ask Jesus to come into your darkest part of your heart
Jesus loves you there is love for you
demand it
refuse to give up

one thought -- I had barriers to hide my csa
only when I pulled them down could He come in
He knocks at our door
mine were a steel grill, a quarter inch thick steel wall,
a brick wall and the shame and pain wall - it was massive

hey - its safe to let Jesus in.

just sharing my struggle from darkness to light

and I am nowhere perfect

walking the journey


5 depending on God's grace gives hope
6 my dark side , my hurt inner being my struggle
8 looking to the day of overcomming