Everthing that I was taught then is reinforced over and over by what is taught now. It does not matter what I want to believe. I've already started over from scratch or else I would not be in a church period. Yes, I was hurt by a priest but that priest is not the worst of those who get to torture me. Where would any of you be if what happened to you then was happening now, and you still couldn't do anything about it?
I understand God's love of you and everyone else but there is none for me. What has God done in my life except for "allowing" me to be destroyed? How does God love me? I search daily and there is never any evidence. I don't believe in religion, I believe it is a relationship thing but it's like He does not want anything to do with me but to see me in pain and confusion, that's if He even acknowledges my existance in the first place.
"He died on the cross........ " just doesn't do anything for me. So it is me who is evil and wicked.... it all follows what I was taught, it's not something someone wants to believe.