Don't know if you are seeing a therapist now but a lot of the concerns and experiences you've posted about are pretty normal. If you can seperate out the abuse from the more "normal" sexualized behaviors and perhaps not beat up on yourself, you may see yourself with fewer problems. That you are apparently able and willing to talk about these things here says alot about your strengths.

Hopefully, an experienced T can help you put things in perspective.

Good luck.

Blissfully retired after 35 years treating sexual abuse