I have been speaking with a work collegue who knows that i am HIV+. They also know that i stopped taking the drugs. Today i showed that person my rash.

She told me that someone she knew passed away to AIDS and that they kept on ignoring the rash - the same rash that i have.She pleaded with me to restart the drugs and save myself before it is too late.

She said one simple thing to me "it is no good bolting the stable doors after the horses have bolted". I have a chance to "bolt" the door.

Tomorrow i will phone the hospital and start back on the path. I will fight the dark forces inside of me, but not on here, i will not allow the battle to spill out on here where it causes pain and hurt to others.

This is not about me, it is about all of us. for too long now i have pushed people away.My body is burning tonight. the rash is so painful that even pain killers cannot stop it.

that is all for now.

you dont see me. i am not really here. Its my fault.. all of it. I am to blame and no one else.