I have the same questions myself. I am a member of AA and NA and SAA !! too.
Once I got clean it left this huge vaccum that was instantly filled up with lots of feelings I had not dealt with sober ever. My only answer for me is; I am what I am ! (I am bi/genderqueer into D&s with consenting partners only)
it may not be mainstream, but then lots of other people are not mainstream either.

I hope this helps in some small way.