Yeah, enough with hijack. Own it and make a new thread...

I find all the role stuff for men makes things really difficult for me, and other survivors so I hear. It's so hard for us to deal with our abuse issues, and then we get all this "your supposed to" crap from everyone.

All this, your supposed to want sex all the time, and initiate everything. Sex is very scary to me. One person being the actor to someone passive (either way) triggers fears of abuse. I feel like a perpetrator if I make all the moves, and the victim if she does. And men can't be victims so they think. And any time I'm not doing "what I'm supposed to" it brings up all that "something must be wrong with me" stuff. I just want to run and hide and never see them again.

So, I think our sexual partners often unwittingly make it worse. And, I don't want to try to explain all my abuse and why it leads me to have these feelings. Go get a clue yourself! Like, read a book or something! It's hard, but I have to stick up for what I feel alone, and if people don't let me have my feelings in peace, I say goodbye. You don't really care about ME.

But I have and do meet people who drop the role BS and listen to me, accept me and try to understand. Lewis, it all is extremely unfair. Here you'll get support, and I think you could find someone who will respect your feelings and wishes. Let her know you want to take it super, super slow. That is really OK.

Et par le pouvoir d’un mot Je recommence ma vie, Je suis né pour te connaître, Pour te nommer

And by the power of a single word I can begin my life again, I was born to know you, to name you

Paul Eluard