I am not sure how i can put this................... I have now burned all my bridges - so to speak..... I have emailed the doctor in advance of my appointment tomorrow. I have told him that i will not be going back on the drugs.. now and forever.

I will goto the hospital tomorrow and make it my one and only visit. I still cannot face the truth that i am hiv+. I want to prove to them that i can go on without the need for body damaging drugs. Since coming off of the drugs i feel a whole lot better.

If i get sick then that is down to me. I sit in that clinic waiting to be called and it pisses me off that i should be there. They scared me into taking the drugs - telling me that i will progress to full blown AIDS in the next 2-3yrs we shall see.

I hate the idea of being tied to time. always having to remember to take the drugs on time. The expense to the NHS must be staggering; which brings me to another thing. I am a burden on the whole system, money being wasted.

I had a friend over yesterday and he was upset when i told him that i have stopped taking the drugs. its my choice.

you dont see me. i am not really here. Its my fault.. all of it. I am to blame and no one else.