I have an appointment at the hospital on Monday to get the test results and a chance to talk with the doctor about them. Today i phoned up for the just one of the results, the viral load.

My viral load is undetectable which means the drugs are working - i am some what disappointed with this as i tried my best to sabotage it all. I should be happy but i am not. I feel down.

I do not want a life of pills and test after test......... i do not want this at all. so as of tomorrow i am stopping the drugs again and will not pick up my next pre>
you dont see me. i am not really here. Its my fault.. all of it. I am to blame and no one else.