hello guys. I haven't posted here for several months - my health continues to go down hill, but I went to the gay pages first, and tomorrow will delal with some of the straight posts, but I am asking a question I have asked at the support group I go to each week. I have been going there for two and one/half years. I am the only group member that has been their for that long, but from what I went throught in 1990 some of my mental problems are messed up or agriated be the sexual abuse that I received in 1949 and for six months in 1951 when I was in a hospital, I was only seven. The group all knows that I was struck by a NYC subway train in 1990, in a coma for 98 days and a hell of a lot changed and continues to change. I have four parts of the brain that is damaged, but most is the frontal lobe - forehead, and the middle ear - ones control of balance, and that is why I get around in a wheelchair. I have been told, and they are right, in 1990 I could walk with only a cane, that the "problems" would continue to get worse. What my question today is and it has been to the group I am in for several months is WHY DO I ALWAYS HAVE A TERRIBLE EMOTIONAL BREAKDOWN WHEN I SEE YOUNG BOYS, in a church, on the street, or even on TV. I can't control the crying, and along with that, I yell, stamp my left foot - why only one, I do not know - but my right side was badly hit and hurt by the subway train - and the sad emotions last for several minutes, or I get up and go out of the room to get away from the
tv or hide my face so I don't see little boys just walking buy me to get to where the want to go. I finally got a new shrink and my first visit with him I was told is the last week of this month, and my first visit will last TWO HOURS. Several shrinks have taken my HMO and as I am sure you all know, going to a shrink is not cheap, so I thankful for the insurance. My primary doctor even put on paper that my case was very "COMPLEX" and as my counselor told me yesterday, "I don't think there is TOO MUCH WRITING about a male that was sexual abused as a little boy, and then struck by a subway train while he was in is late 40s." Any help, comments or whatever you guys can give will be welcome, and thanks. bosishere