I actually feel like writing this down has helped me some. This all started 36 years ago. Thanks for your support. I only joined a couple days ago, and already feel that I am among AWESOME friends (and I really have a tough time having male friends).
"He's never been happy, not once in his life,"
My sister told my future wife.
But that wasn't true; my life seemed like heaven
Until that first time at the age of eleven.
My brother took me up to his lair
And did things to me that my memory can't bear,
Though I do remember him fingering my butt.
It makes me feel sick in the pit of my gut.
Did it happen just once? My mind's hidden this stuff,
But even if once, it was more than enough...
My happiness lessened, but I forged ahead;
My spirit was wounded but wasn't quite dead.
And then at church, in a public men's room
The sun faded further, when even more gloom
Was cast upon an impressionable child
Whose mind was confused and running wild.
The vicar, good looking, who I idolized,
Showed off his endowment; God, I was surprised!
My confusion compounded; I could not understand,
If I am a boy, why a toy for a MAN?
Something was wrong - I must be defective.
Do I wear a target for predators selective?
A year or so later, Paul, down the block
Invited me to bed to play with his cock.
This time, I ran home and told my mother
Before I could be attacked by another.
At least one more time I couldn't escape
The hellish experience of childhood rape.
I remember the sweat, I remember the smell.
While he pumped, he growled, "You'd better not tell."
Much bigger, much stronger, much hairier than me,
And his hair was jet-black, that much I could see.
But I can't see his face, how I wish I could know
Who finally broke me so long ago.
edited to add trigger warning
Edited by walkingsouth (09/26/08 04:53 AM)
Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home Iíll never see
It may sound absurd...but donít be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed...but wonít you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
Itís not easy to be me