i am turning 40 on friday

my therapist is on vacation ahhhhhhhhhh lol

but it is making me face a lot of questions directly

like who am i? looks to the past too ---

- i mean 40 is powerful - 2 more days of my 30s

i am anxious and have the feeling of falling apart inside

and though i took a long walk yesterday - and was guided by

well wishers to embrace it - and just go with it! \:\)

i resolved to do so - but today the anxiety came back

and i think there's a number of issues....

shouldn't i be an adult by now? shouldn't i be self sufficient

and in some strange way - shouldn't i not need to 'let it all out'

maybe the fallacy of the "adult life" in my head is that - though i have been an adult for a while now -

there's nothing hidden here. it's just the same...you have your troubles just the same - and feel a goof at times - just the same - and hapless - and insecure - and hopless - and yeah confident too. and strong and smart - and laughs - lots of them

it's just another day.

i can't believe it me! 40. LOL

i am still 39 for the next two days... \:\) i'll enjoy that.

"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous