About a week after I lost my Mother, I lost a good friend--not to death, but to finding out he wasn't who I thought he was. I had always assumed that, because he was rational about most other things, he would be rational about everything. But this time, when I met up with him he had been drinking and on the way back to his apt, he started spewing hatred...nigger this, nigger that. Turns out he's a complete racist.

He did such a good job up to that point of keeping it under wraps, I never suspected for the whole eight months or so that I knew him---or thought I knew him.

He also threatened to rape me that same f ed up night. I knew he was just blabbering and didn't mean any of it, but to say to someone who's told you he's a rape survivor "Your going to end up getting fucked before the night's over whether you like it or not." is just not cool at all.

I guess I was in some kind of denial about his being such an asshole. I had had clues..but ignored them. He just comes across as such a sweet, sensitive person. And it's so incomprehensible how someone who knows so well the crap that a gay person goes through for being gay...how he can turn around and spew the same kind of irrational hatred. I'm just so depressed. I need a friend right now...like the one I thought I had till just a week ago. \:\(

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