I have been on here on and off for the a few years now. I find a lot of understanding and support here on MS. For that i am extremely thankful.

That being said. I want to know if there are any men on here who struggles or have insight into what i am about to disclose. I do need to talk about it. I am greatly ashamed of this and need to stop this behaviour before it gets out of hand. It is damaging to me in many ways—much more than just physical. I really am my worst enemy at times.

I penetrate myself with objects. I have used various metal rods, a few toothbrushes, razors, various sized batteries, rocks, brooms, glass bottles & candles before. It started at the age of fifteen with shells and ended a few weeks ago with vibrating razors. I have done much damage to myself because of this not to mention the risks i am taking. Is there anyone on here who has dealt with this before and are receiving treatment for it? Any advice would be appreciated.

I were violently raped at the age of eleven/twelve by our neighbors son. Prior to this he would penetrate me and pull out only to do it again. He molested me from a very young age and the abuse/raped ended when i turned thirteen.


ps. i do not have the heart to tell my therapist about this. i do not even have the heart to speak about the rapes and but i have forced myself to speak about the molestations.