I recognize my own disblief/questions i had when i had my flashbacks.
I asked my mother if something happened between me and my father in bed when i was young.
She said "oh boy, i never expected you to remember that" and she began telling.
The story she told fitted with my memories of images, sounds, feelings ...
It helped me to sort out memories, like putting together pieces of a puzzle.
I concluded i wasn't going mad, the overwhelming and threatening impressions did not come ot of the blue.
I concluded that the things i experienced as a kid where too threatening to realize and put away as experiences not to be believed or to fit in my world.
We all recognize such a reaction when something threatening happens: "this can't be true" (11 sept for instance).

I recognize that i have had many times, that i doubted if the memories where correct.
The memories didn't fit in with the idealized image of my father and myself.
That idealized image once helped me to deal with my fears.

But now the facts were there and couldn't be denied like my memories.
I have considered myself lucky to have external confirmation.
Who comes easely at terms with threatening memories?

I cannot say for you whether your flashbacks are or are not to be trusted as accurate memories.
I can and do wish you strength and peace in finding out how to interprete your senses and trust.


[ April 19, 2002: Message edited by: manchild ]