Well I am back.
After a very public meltdown that ultimately involved me being banned from this site...
Well I am back a couple years later to speak of the pitfalls or experiences of disclosure.
I figured that disclosure would be the last step in healing. That it was the end of a journey. That by "outing" myself (and my perp) that it would all be over. That my journey would be complete.
I had great expectations about "coming out". Everyone would know why "I am like I am". Maybe cut me a little slack. Maybe extend a hand.
So I "come out" about my abuse. Very publicly. To my friends, my family. I built a web site about my perp. I plastered posters about him at his home and work.
I guess I did it all.
So out I was... exposed for the whole world to see. And see me they did. I am not sure what I expected, but I suppose I was just happy to "let my guard down". For the first time in MANY years I "took off the mask".
I'll tell you now... It didn't work out too well for me.
Probably the way I went about it I guess.
I came out... then "let the cards fall as they may.
I hoped that if people had a better understanding of ME they would better cut me a little slack.
I came out... then ducked below the radar. I needed to to regroup.
I noticed people slowly stopped returing calls... invited to parties slowed down.. stopped. Emails went unanswered.
All I had managed to do was alienate myself. Maybe "being alone in a crowd" is better than just being alone.
So here I am. All this behind me. All the work and effort first thrown at hiding, then exposing, then surviving.
Was it all worth it?
Was Disclosure worth it? I don't know.
If I could give anyone advice about disclosure it would be this:
1) Identify WHY you want to dislose
2) Have a plan
3) List what you hope to get out of it, the wiegh the cost vs. benifit.
4) Know that you can CHOOSE who you disclose to. It doesn't have to be a "all or nothing" experience.
5) Build a strong support system before hand.
Any advice about "outing" your perp... That could go on for pages.
If gives you a sence of power, but it is very costly to you emotionally. At the end of the day you are still the same person, with the same issues. Outing isn't the magic "cure".
Be well all.