it is only three weeks i have off university and i have enough work to keep myself busy enough so that it will be like i'm still in university.
so why do i feel so unsettled, so anxious, perhaps even fearful.
this is what i have been waiting for, time off. but i have been a creature of habit and have come to hate it when the world relents and shows me some mercy because that only gives me opportunity to fall.
i was sitting on the bus on the way home and realising it was my last day i almost wanted to cry i just felt completely lost and vulnerable.
i need the constant battle, the constant distraction, because if i'm not continualy fighting in this subversive battle of education then i am just that little boy with all those pains who will never be accepted and never be normal.
i rather fight to discover the secrets of scientific knowledge than ever have to accept the lonelyness of my mind that lives in a world very much of its own. i have thought recently that the estrangement of my mind to the world could be symptomatic of some kind of light autism which in its blandest de>