I hear you, man, spanking like you got was abuse. If you felt those emotions of shame and
humiliation, it was abuse. And, besides didn't you say that this was the guy who sexually abused you? Who was this dude anyway, family, "friend"?
Sorry you had to endure that.
My 8th grade teacher got off on embarrassing me in front of others when he wasn't busy sexually abusing me...the embarrassing moments were abuse, too, just like your spanking...the old power, control thing.
I had therapy today, too, and just had to respond to you.
You take care man and know that all of this reaction shit is normal and it does get better as you get it out where it can't hurt as much.
You're a good man.
Peace, power, strength and courage,
"No soul is desolate as long as there is a human being for whom it can feel trust and reverence."