Hi group. Really glad I am here. I was abused as a 5 year old by a neighbor. MBd him. Probably since then had a penis fixation. I am married and would act out with men to get them to expose themselves to me. Hardly touched them, would ejaculate before anything happened. Came clean to my wife 2.5 years ago, and have not done anything with others since. I still focus on mine -- measure, measure, measure (as if it'll shrink or grow). Just nuts.
I am starting to understand my abuse -- it seems I did it to turn the tables on them (mastering my abuse, my therapist says), but I can't get over the constant penis comparison. Sort of a litmus test for manliness or something. Used to stare at crotches a lot too but not anymore. Just wondering of others had this issue also. Makes me scared about sexuality. Tried gay life, but that wasn't for me. I just went back to the activities described above. Didn't like male love/sex but was still fixated with men's penises. What gives? Any help would be a life saver.