Hi ConcernedBro,

I'm fortunate enough to have LJA as my wife, and I also agree with her suggestions, and those of the resident experts on this site. One of the things I wanted to do is emphasize the importance of brothers:

a) Our two oldest children are boys, aged 17 and 14. They are as close as two brothers can be. If one of them was hurting, the very presence of the other would be a strong healing force. I don't know how close you are to your brother, but the fact that you have posted on this site speaks volumes. Don't discount the value of just being there for him.

b) When I disclosed my CSA to my older brother, he said "have a nice life". While this might seem shocking, it now makes sense in the context of him also being abused by our father - he didn't want to deal with it. My point is this; 15 years after being estranged from my entire family of origin, my relationship with my brother is the only one that I mourn. It's not that we were particularly close. I just think that there must be something very primal/instinctive about the need for brotherhood that transcends all bullshit.


If a man's character is to be abused, say what you will, there's nobody like a relation to do the business.
- William Makepeace Thackery