Thanks for your feedback Freedom. I too did not have a strong male identity in the family - father had a stroke at age 40 and was left paralyzed on one side of his body. My mother had to look after him, she belittled him and I think that with my submissive behavior I became a surrogate husband at some level for her. It is interesting whenever I feel an urge to be with a male - it is very strong - I think that this is my libidinal energy raging to be accepted - and as you say it has nothing to do with the sex - but because it is male libidinal energy that is driving it - you get all confused - at least this is what I am thinking at the moment. When we do have these moments I think that it is important to ask ourselves what is it that we want to gain? We can go there - be confused, guilty, ashamed, depressed etc. - virtually an empty negative experience - but the deeper questions need to be answered - not am I gay or Bi but rather what are you looking to find or gain from the experience - there is always a perceived gain behind our actions - what is the perceived gain here? Being honest with oneself is difficult amidst all of the the confusion - but I find if I allow it in that I am seeking to connect with the male side of my being - the urgency and intensity seem to soften and abate - to me this is saying that the deeper me is looking to connect with the other half of my being - interesting but confusing - cheers D