you're a survivor....
What did you survive?
No, really, what?
I ask myself that question all the time.
Yeah, it was bad.
It was awful, really.
Oh, I know people will get on me for saying this
But on a scale of abuse from 1 to 10, mine was about a 2 maybe
A 3 at most
I mean, if you just write the stuff down
This happened
And then that happened
Well, why the hell can't I get over it?
Why won't it go away?
Why can't I say, "It wasn't your fault. You have no shame. You did nothing to make him do it. He didn't do it because there was something inherently wrong with you. You were a perfectly normal little boy. It was his problem.....his shame.....his guilt."
And be done with it?
Why is it that this giant cloud has engulfed me and follows me wherever I go?
And, no, I don't feel sorry for myself.
And, yes, I do want to heal.
And, yes, I'm comfortable with my pain, but that doesn't mean I want to keep swimming around in it.
I just don't understand it, that's all.
I want to take the pill, and be over it.
Okay, a couple of month's worth of pills, and be over it.
I'm tired of waiting for the sun to come up over the hill with a giant "TA DA!", so that I can dance through the daisies. Okay, tromp through the tulips, if dancing through daisies turns you off.
Just want it done......d...o....n.....e.....done.
Make me a member of the "Former Victims Unit".
Ah, it comes......the black cloud.....ever closer it comes.......surrounding me.........shit
I'm tired of it, you know?
I just want it to be over.
I just want it all to go away.


I'm healing now, and I wasn't sure I would.