humiliation. whether i'm being humiliated, hearing about someone being humiliated, reading about someone being humiliated or watching someone being humiliated. humiliation is a MAJOR trigger for me. brings up insecurities and RAGE.
enough so that fear of it is keeping me from reaching out to the friends i want and need the most.
so no matter how much i share - what i tell people - it's never the whole story.
because they might humiliate me with it? no.
because opening myself up to anyone is the most humiliating thing i can think of.
this is a major new insight - i'm literally shaking as i type this. i am so embarrassed of who i am that anyone getting to know me is humiliating to me.
crap - how wierd is THAT?