Welcome healthyself. I hope your name is prophetic. Getting these memories out a dealing with them is good. Bringing them into the light takes a lot of the sting and power from them. It can be painful though and awaken a lot of emotions. You will want to go back to the comfort zones you think have served you well in the past but try to stay in the here and now and let the feelings come. Look at them. Hold them up in the light and see they are the feelings of a child. Now your an adult. That was not your fault and you have power now. Lots of guys here understand what your going through. Write about it talk about in the chat room. It does help.