I've been wondering about people who actually abuse kids. What makes them actually cross the line from fantasy to reality? I think everybody knows right from wrong, even psyciopaths. I think abusers know what they are doing is wrong, because if they truly didn't know, they wouldn't need to be so secretive of themselves and their victims.

I just keep thinking, that even though I have thoughts, I could never cross that line. Some of you might say that I'm only 17 and I don't know how I'll be in 20 to 30 years, but I disagree. I get it. I know it's wrong that my feelings and thoughts and attractions are not natural, and are only with me because of what happend to me. I'm lucky, because I have resources and I realize this demon I have inside of me and I choose to work it out.

But I'd be remiss to say that what about the abusers who were themselves abused and didn't have anywhere to go when they were dealing with the emotions of victimization, and the thoughts of "cycling" the abuse? Are they forgivable, because they didn't have the resources to deal with their own inner demons?

I guess I'm thinking about this right now, because I saw a guy on CNN or some news network, that is a "Self-proclaimed pedophile," and he was being open and honest about how he's attracted to little girls, but he's never abused any. My first impression was, "this guy is insane!" Is he nuts to go on tv and announce to the world that he's taking pictures of girls in playgrounds and schoolyards? He said he was abused as a child also. So I'm thinking, maybe he's mentally ill. Maybe all abusers and pedophiles are mentally ill? How else do you explain it?

My grandpa says it's a power trip for this guy. He said that his feelings involve power and control of children, and by announcing to the world that he is a pedophile, only assures that he will be talked about and written about and shown on tv... and that is powerful. But I still think he's insane!