Thank you both for your messages.
EJ: I am not at all in contact with V. I have tried twice to make contact a year or two after all the crazyness and nastyness happened. I wrote two letters. I never got any reply. The last letter was in spring 2006. Last may I have felt very strongly that he wanted/was about to write. Very strange feeling. It lasted for a few days but I received nothing. That same month a healer worked on separating my energies from him. The results were a total disaster: desperate crying fits at night for 3 days. It was like someone was trying to rip my heart from me.
A few weeks later I got this message while in "astral connection": "I want to join you on the journey but before I need to know if you really love me". Strangely enough in August I did a sweatlodge and while in the lodge I started to scream "V I love you". It was like this incapacity to tell him I loved him (because of my own survivors issues)was suddenly released and in response to his question.
I have spent the last 3 years understanding and healing our karmic relationship. Even more amazing, my best friend and I realized that her baby girl is the reincarnation of a baby girl V and I lost while being Sioux in the XIXth century. V was his mom (and I the father) and they had both died of an epidemic. I have spent a mont with my friend and her baby when I returned to France. It was weird because the baby girl (now 11 months old) was spending a lot of time in my bedroom and every evening when coming back from her nanny she used to crawl to my bed and grab the photo of V and I. She was doing that every evening going straight to the photo. She looked at me intensely but checking my features: touching my skin and face like she was recognizing me and at the same time not understanding why I looked different. She also cried a lot in my bedroom the day I moved out.
My friend being very open she had sensed the connection way before me and says there is healing going on between M. her daughter V and me.
Sometimes I wish I could be able to meet someone I can be with in an easy relationship that does not require so much intensity.
I would be very happy if I had infos on V. progress in terms of healing. The infos I get are only through the internet when he writes an article (he is now a psychologist with a private practice). I tell myself that being the person he is, he must feel very guilty and must feel bad about what he has done to me. I tell myself that until he does apologize it will always be there somehow.
It is close to midnight here in France and my first thought will be for him. I am sending him love everyday. I guess the hardest is that nothing of this intense love makes sense.
Thank you again I let me wish you a wonderful New Year full of love and hope.
Mitakuye oyasin ! We are all related !