Since the break up with V. (incest survivor, abused by his mother) I have tried to pick up the pieces, my own pieces. After the horrible break up and the insanity of diffamations he believed, I have been more aware about the necessity to protect myself. He eventually found out (for all I know) that he was lied to and manipulated but he never came back to apologize or to explain.
I have tried to date again. It didn't work because my heart was elsewhere and the guy I was seeing was not available.
Since then I have done a lot of healing work for myself and a lot of spiritual healing. V was always in the picture, we are soul connected and had karmic issues to solve. I did the work but so far he had not returned. I am proud of him, so proud. He graduated and he is now a psychologist with a private practice. I am sure he is doing an amazing work especially with survivors and with children. He is still in Paris. Last year I thought going to Québec and be away would help me cope with the pain in my heart. But I carried the pain with me. When I came back to paris I stayed with a friend only a few blocks away from his appartment. It was unbearable it was like I could feel his energy. As a result I closed down my heart which only caused health and energetic problems. It got to the point sometimes when I really want to die so that I won't have to wait for so many years before our souls can be reunited once again. When I realized that it was useless to close down my heart I opened it again and all the pain came back with a lot of crying. I have moved away from Paris to Brittany hoping that the distance will help me bear the situation and I am going back to Québec in March.
It has been 3 years and my love for him is just deeper, enriched with the wisdom gained in all my travelling and spiritual journey with native american healers.
Sometimes I am at peace and hopeful, sometimes desperate. Sometimes I wonder if I would meet someonelse and have a normal relationship, but deepdown I know this connection cannot be broken.
It has been three years and the pain isn't going away. My love isn't going away. Regularly I meet his looks alike. There was one at the conference in New York and last week one in the metro in Paris. This is very disturbing.
It would help me to hear stories of survivors who have found their way back to their partners after breaking up during their healing journey.
It would help me to know why he is not apologizing and explaining why he behaved so nasty when I had done nothing wrong.
Thank you for your presence here
Mitakuye oyasin ! We are all related !