TRIGGER WARNING *** the contents in this post may be graphic. I will do my best to ensure they are not too graphic, but, please note the TRIGGER WARNING***
Well, I have a sex addiction and am working on it. I see this addiction is common on these forums. I need some support to avoid a "slip" in the future. I have a sponsor from SLAA who I can call when I get the urge, and, just for my own motivation, I was hoping to just tell the world through these forums which will give me even more motivation to stay sober... I used extacy and marijuana... one clean, I continued using sex to self medicate.
I slipped on the 7th, 9th, 11th and 12th of December after 2 months of total abstinence. It was on the 12th that I rushed off to a SLAA meeting, because before these acts, I was trying so so hard to stop myself, but I just couldn't resist. I tried hard to make sure I did not have full sex, but, ended up getting oral from the women. I did hire sex workers which made me think long and hard about my addiction. I chose a legal erotic massage place, not a legal brothel, where sex is not offered, just a nude massage/body slide, handjob and protected oral. I think this was my mind telling me to get my fix but in a way that ensured I would not have sex.
Anyway, total abstinence from now on.
This is my log.... whenever I feel like "slipping" I'll come here, use the delay tactic and just note my feelings - as suggested by my psychologist. If I find myself in the carpark of a brothel/massage place I can then use my SLAA sponsor as a safety net.
I have defined my bottom line as any contact with a sex worker (even just a body slide and a handjob) and sex with random women. I will abstain from this.
Thanks for all the support and guidance.
Edited by gravitas (12/14/07 06:28 AM)