Hard topic again, feel like I'm arrogant just saying it. Started a new job 2 weeks ago, a girl started touching me at work, probably nothing to a guy but if it was a woman this would have law-suit written all over it. Nothing devious in the intention but to me it feels like such a huge breach of my limits. I've been raped by a woman and yet here I am working at a computer and a woman feels it perfectly acceptable to come up behind me and put her hands on my shoulders. She touches my arm when we're talking. Feel like It's all me, how dare I be attractive to her, what have I done wrong, what did I do to invite this. I'm so fucking shy, barely talk to anyone yet this woman thinks it's a come-on. I'm not with this job anymore, 2 weeks ago I was floating on air because I felt like I finally found a job I could excell at. The first job that had anything to do with what I went to college for. I went in, I kept my mouth shut, I passed all their tests, shit I did great, I excelled. But I attracted unwanted attention, unwanted touching by someone who would make any guy ecstatic.
So here I am, feeling like I did something wrong, Feeling like I invited this. I gave up a job I really really wanted and it feels like "I" did something wrong. What did I do? I ignored her, I kept my mouth shut, I kept my conversation to a minimum. And yet she's putting her hands all over me. Like what I think I'm doing right to not attract this is the exact opposite of what I should be doing. Do I hit on her constantly, do I be abnoxious and climb all over her to chase her away. I feel like I'm in such a lose/lose situation. There really is no "win" situation for me. The problem is I know what she's been through, she's attracted because I'm "not" climbing all over her. I watched as she fought off twenty guy's, I can't imagine how hard it is for her, I'm sure she's spent her entire life fighting for RIGHT to not be assualted but yet she just does that exact same thing to me because she finally met someone who doesn't do what 99% of guys do. I'm in such an unwinnable situation because of society, don't hit on her and she's attracted to me, hit on her and she suffers. I feel like a fucking freak because I understand what she's going through, like I have to get unwanted attention because she's suffered. She's desperate for a guy who will just respect her boundaries but she can't even fathom mine.
Ladies, and guys (I'm going to post this in "friends and family" too) I need some answers, I have no idea how to act in this world. I know I'm attractive but then I add in respect for you ladies and my life is a disaster.
I feel like they only place I belong is hidden away in my room.