When I lived with my last abuser I felt much the same way. I was lost and didn't know what to do, what to think, who to trust, where to go. I was so confused about my life and I really thought it was over for many years. I do know that there is hope may only be a small glimmer but its there. hang in there get help if you can.
Ask for help, it's OK to do that. I was so afraid of asking for help it kept me in the dark for many years. You always have us here too. sometimes a little understanding & compassion goes a long way in our darkest hours. I have a poem out there called "I can see" I felt that way for 20+ years. I really did not know what it was like to actually feel good. This site has helped me out so much and I am learning to accept feeling good even though it feels strange. Posting here helps more than I ever thought it would. It seems like I can post it here but not on paper. The journal thing just does not work for me.

I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
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