It's from my journal:
"It's August the 3rd I think almost 2am. I feel this life closing in on me again. They think it's so easy it should be easy to just make things right to just put it together and find a piece of mind thats sober to move this way without really moving this way and I feel his eyes beating on me like I'm unaccomplished and devoid of it all. But I hold it and they're making me hold it so they can use it to their advantage and suck the life out from under me. A life that somehow is not suppose to be my own. And at the end of the day they throw it back to me as to say it wasn't real it never happened and how am I to understand that but to keep moving this way but then it came fast and I saw it before I saw it and the amount of guilt it placed on me was paralyzing and it weighed me down... too far down to where I had become a servent of it like I needed it to survive it was my piece of mind but it was not serene it was devestating to me and still I can't tell where I am or what I am to do how to make the best of what is left. Like it is my responsibility but whatever way I go leads to a failure and my accomplishment is gone but it wasn't really the accomplishment that I needed to see I don't think... it was the uncertanty of it all. Like it was a guess and I guessed wrong it always falls back to me and it brings me down further and pushes me out further so I'm not really inside myself anymore."