I am wishing so hard to just be alone but I just can't make it be and I keep being enabled to go back to use and keep in this awful cycle that is destroying me mentally and physically and destroying those around me but i can't make it stop i just want it to stop and for me to be at peace with life but i can't ever make it so and i dont think it will ever happen and its hurting me so much i am trying to find new work so i can help with family but it is hard and it is always like someone is getting hurt around me something bad is happening and it always falls back to me onto me and i am suppose to be able to cope with all of this and i just cannot and it rips me apart and leaves me to try to find new ways of getting through to the next day... trying to sleep good night all \:\(