I dropped out of college in 2004 because my life had taken a downard spiral into complete destruction. I got drunk every day and got into drugs for what seemed like 2 years. I fell into the deepest pit of despair that you can imagine. I was there.. at the bottom looking up into a world that seemed on fire.

Since I came home I've been trying to hold down a steady job but it hasn't worked so far. I get so far in and fall apart forget where I've been and crawl back down into my hole where things made sense. But it's not making sense anymore... I'm at the bottom again and I see myself lying there curled into a ball waiting for a release but it's nowhere to be found and I keep reaching but I can never get to it.

I've been drinking a lot of liquor and it's really starting to mess up my life... I don't have a job I sit here in my room all day and night.. sleep until 11am the next morning where I come to my senses and prepare to do it the next day... I can't drink anymore I've fallen back into my former self... something I never thought could be possible but it's happened and it's so surreal to me that this could be happening. I reach for the drink again to make it dissapear but after I sober up everything is darker and more disoriented. My family looks at me like I'm a complete waste I cant do this anymore...