I wanted to reply separately on the "technique" part of your problem. Please don't blame yourself for falling for all the crap the abuser told you. Remember that he was older and that you were just a boy.

That is, try to avoid judging or blaming yourself for not seeing, as a scared kid, points that are clear to you now as an adult. Many of us fall into that trap at one point or another, but it's like an adult engineer blaming a child for not being able to see the solutions to complex construction problems the way the adult can.

Much love,

Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)