Denial in my family has been so obvious and although none(that i'm aware of anyway were abused on my fathers side) were abused i know that virtually most people go into some form of civil service ....cops,firefighters,lawyers,nurses,doctors....etc etc ...I have two first cousins who are not only brothers but cops as well my point is the very people who i want to be close with and have some form of bond i feel as though they want nothing to do with me.

When these cousins found out i was sexually abused (they were both police officers by this time) they did what they needed to protect themsleves in that they denied it and never once mentioned it,although one of them talked with me about surface stuff never the actual abuse and especially by whom it was.

Do you think it's their way of dealing with and avoiding the truth in that i knew these guys/kids/teenagers for most of their lives and now that they are cops is it rough for them to realize it's happened in their own backyard.

How can i,or how will i be able to have the kind of relationship with them i know will never happen yet desperately desire it.

We're all older now and seeing they both see and deal with essentially all the trauma and crime that are committed in society to think that it's happened and unable to do anything about it does it scare them,will it always be this way(they're both fairly new on the department(4years and 3yrs repectively)and although no one can definitively answer this loaded question i am simply wondering can this csa bring us closer seeing one of them is married with a child or otherwise keep their distance because not sure with themselves as a result of the abuse they know all about from their parents.

Finally both of their parents were like mom/dad to me and i had lots of issues as a kid therefore is it safe to say my family is still in denial or am i overthinking this however i have seen the avoidance and distance they keep afterall what do i expect,for them to come running to me and comfort and nuruture me.....i'm feeling real neglected although want to desperately be accepted....who knows i guess it is what it is and until "time" heals all wounds i believe "it" will never be the same.


" You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have "