After I was perped by a pedo neighbor living down the street at the age of 9, I was ok for a couple years, "stable", one could say. My grades were ok I think...........
Then when puberty hit me at age 12 in sixth grade, I started a downward spiral. Unlike so many of you, I did not become a "people pleaser" so that everyone would "like me". Oh, no. I took the exact opposite path, I stopped giving a shit about anything. I didn't give a shit about my grades, my future, my body, my dignity. Smoking, drinking, marijuana, isolation, and keeping it all to myself became the norm for me.
It's too bad though, I'm thinking that if I became the "people pleasing" type of survivor I might have made something of myself many years ago. I'm not DWELLING on this, just making a note of this tragic chapter in my life.
That's one thing I can't figure out about a lot of you guys. In the shadow of your abuse, so many of you had STRIVEN for approval and attention from your parents and your teachers. I stopped giving a shit about anything.
I've come to think that perhaps, because of the fact that the first time that I had tried to disclose the abuse at age 9, and was laughed at and ridiculed for it, that I saw only futility in seeking the support and approval of others..........hell I don't know.