It has been a few years since I have been to this site, but I just need somebody, anybody, to know that I exist. I am 29 now and live at home with my mom. I have no friends, am on medication, and am on Social Security Disability. I am ashamed that I live at home, don't have a job, and am currently on medication. I can't remember my SA but know it happened as sure as the sun will rise in the east. I am so lonely and scared. I am terrified of people even my own family members that I love dearly. I feel as if have sinned against the nature of life by not having one. Tomorrow is yesterday, and I will wake up and eat, watch tv, and go to bed. It is even harder to have compassion for myself because I am intelligent and expect so much more from myself. I feel ashamed for taking money from the government when I am smart and am mentally capable of so much. I am just so emotionally stunted. I am so lonely because nobody really knows who I am, not my mom or other family members. They just know the shell of a person that I show them, and they don't really have a clue as to who I am, since I have become quite good at not showing any emotion. Sometimes I am scared that I will die someday and no one will ever know me. I care so much for everybody, but I can't even help myself. I don't know, I guess I just wanted to write this down so somebody might read it and realize that I am alive.
"Men often become what they believe themselves to be. If I believe I cannot do something, it makes me incapable of doing it. But when I believe I can, then I acquire the ability to do it even if I didn't have it in the beginning." Mahatma Gandhi