Just couldn't resist responding to the great thread on the gay survivor's side call "I'm feeling triggered".

It was stated by someone that ALL men have some desire/curiosity about having sex with a man. I don't know about men, but I sort of doubt it. Even the most open men I know and even the ones who are in touch with some level of homoerotic sexual curiosity don't really have the desire to do it in reality.

For myself, I've searched pretty deep for a "lesbian" aspect. Can't find it, try as I might. I do, however, have a lot of erotic attraction towards women. It just doesn't translate into sex.

Not to stir up a great debate, but I actually know men who value emotional connection nearly as much as me (and some even more so) when it comes to sex and don't have the propensity to sexualize every erotically titilating nuance in their lives.

This isn't to say that I haven't had my fair share of "meaningless sex", but give me the choice of doing it with someone who I actually care about and there's really no choice. Lots of people, both men and women, get to the point where another roll in the hey with another person who doesn't mean squat to you is about as exciting as riding a bike or taking a walk or doing any number of purely physical activities.

Anyway, this statement -- that all men have secret desires to do it with another man -- was in context of stating that labels do damage. A statement I agree with. However, to claim that ALL men secretly desire X or X or X is the very stuff of which the labels are made.

It's possible that a gay man flirting with a straight man gets a flirtatious response from a place of homoerotic (as opposed to homosexual) enjoyment. Women act pretty flirty with eachother all the time -- it's just that it's accepted.

Take care,